The Two fly rule.

You may have heard of the one child policy in China well there is now a two fly rule in Beijing. In an effort to make the public bathrooms cleaner, regulators now say there can be no more than two flies in a bathroom at one time. I am not sure what the punishment will be for having more than two flies but if it makes them less smelly, I am all for it. How would you like to be the guy who had to monitor this rule? It may seem like a crazy rule that is completely unenforceable but I for one and all for making the public bathrooms cleaner. I give the two fly rule and enthusiastic two thumbs up!

From the state media:

Public restrooms in will soon be cleaner after a new rule says Beijing conveniences should have no more than two flies, reports Beijing Evening News.

The Beijing Municipal Commission of City Administration and Environment (BMCCAE) issued the new standard for public toilet management on Monday, making a series of criteria to offer a better environment for public toilets in parks, tourist areas, subway and train stations, hospitals, shopping centers and supermarkets, the paper said.

According to the rule, the number of flies should be no more than two, and discarded objects should also be less than two pieces and left uncollected for no longer than half an hour.

The new requirements are not compulsory and only aim to improve the environment of public toilets, Xie Guomin, head of the sanitation management division of BMCCAE told the paper.

The new rules also requests facilities to be well equipped especially for the old and disabled.

The bride had cold feet? or Ewe and I together forever

It’s Valentine's Day in China and since we are almost a day ahead of the U.S. I have had a day to observe the happenings here. The Chinese celebrate two Valentine's days. The American one, which they celebrate the same way as us with lots of roses and flowers being purchased, plans for dinner and romantic evenings. They also celebrate one later in the year that is more traditional and centers on an ancient fairy tale. Young lovers in China, I was told by a co-worker,  are more into the American version. They like getting flowers and gifts. Tonight walking home I saw men scrambling quickly with flowers in hand trying to get home to their sweethearts. Some looked truly happy to be heading home and others looked like they were in trouble for waiting too long to think of buying flowers. For the record I got my flower order in early. There were kissing contests in various cities in China to see who could lock lips the longest. At a tourist area in Beijing a large teddy bear was placed on a pink bench so loving couples could pose with it. It seems that the Chinese have truly embraced this made-by-Hallmark holiday. 

The biggest Valentine's day news has been an on-going story in the paper about a love affair that has captured the imaginations of netizens all over China. At a wild animal park in Yunnan province a deer named Chunzi and a ram named Changmao have been kept in the same enclosure and the chemistry developed into a full blown national love affair. Pictures of the couple started showing up on Weibo a social media site and the netizens went nuts. There were cute pictures of the two “kissing” and later some rated R photos of them practicing some inter-species hubba hubba. Zoo keepers tried to separate them but that caused problems. Jealous bucks tried to get between the lovers by challenging the ram one got his leg broken by the lovesick ram. Changmao would accept no substitute for his true love. He even refused the hottest ewe. Finally the zoo keepers decided that they wouldn’t stand in the way of a love that strong and soon came the announcement of the Valentine's day wedding.

This morning we got a call from our Yunnan based freelance photographer that the wedding was delayed! Apparently the bride got cold hooves and took off right before the nuptials. OMG what will the waiting public do?? After a few hours of silence we got the news that the bride was back and the happy groom had forgiven her for her runaway bride act. Soon photos came into the newspaper that showed the two walking under an arch that said in Chinese characters “ I do” and then a great photo of the happy groom smiling a huge teeth-bearing grin. He got his love back and all was good again. Only in China. 

Photos by Wang Yuheng

Chunzi (L) and Changmao (R) at the wedding.              -Photos by Wang Yuheng

The happy Groom Changmao                                                 -Photos by Wang Yuheng

Working without a net (maybe the dumbest thing I have done in Beijing)

I think China would be OSHA’s worst nightmare. There aren’t a lot of safety measures in place at least to the eye of a average person. As I travel around Beijing and other places in China, I notice things that would send an OSHA inspector to the mad house. Workers scrambling up bamboo scaffolding with no protection are a common sight. Hard hats do exist but not always. You see open manhole covers with no cones around them to warn people not to fall in. You see all sorts of unusual things that you just don’t see in the U.S. For example if you go to the Mutianyu section of the Great Wall, you can ride a toboggan down back to the parking lot. It is fun but if that same ride were in the U.S. you would have to sign consent forms, there would be railing all the way down to prevent a speeding toboggan from leaving the track. There would be people yelling at you if you did anything remotely dangerous.

Sometimes I see it as refreshing. I see it as a world lawyers haven’t hermetically sealed for safety not just for the safety of the population but more to  protect  companies from getting sued. I like that there is still something called personal responsibility. It makes you pay attention! It makes you watch where you are going so you don’t fall into an open man-hole or walk under a falling building or walk in front of a speeding Beijing taxi etc. With so many ways to buy the farm here, you would think Chinese people would be nervous wrecks! They should be neurotic but they seem so calm much of the time.  Even when they are in a hurry they don’t seem to be thinking, don’t fall into that manhole! Watch out for that Taxi! I think to the Chinese mind, they just have to go around thinking positive thoughts. They must assume that nothing bad will happen to them. In fact much of the time I notice that people are singing, whistling and walking, hands behind their backs rolling walnuts in their palms. ( I think this helps the Qi or life energy). I think after a while one becomes intoxicated by this calm approach. You just assume nothing bad will happen and you feel like you did when you were a child, before you discovered all the ways the world can kill you.

This brings me to something that I probably wouldn’t have done in the US but did without much hesitation here. I found myself locked out of my apartment with a faulty door lock. I approached the lady who works in the office and told her in mandarin that my key won’t open the door. So she came up and tried. Then she said something about telephone and I figured it meant she was calling an expert. After a while a pair of maintenance men came up and tried the key for a while then they tried to pry the metal door open with a screwdriver, then pounded on the door for a while putting a bunch of small dents in it. My confidence in getting back into my apartment was not high. So as they are pounding and prying and bending and denting, I think to myself, hey I bet if I was inside I could just open it and whatever was stuck would un-stick!

I noticed a hallway window and after unlocking and sliding it open I noticed it was very close to my balcony windows. I reached out and found that my windows were unlocked so I climbed into the hallway window and reached around to my window. As I stepped onto my balcony railing, I think I heard a small voice in the back of my head say “ Mike you understand this is seven stories up right?” But I live in Beijing now and have adopted the “nothing bad will happen to me idea”! I stood on my railing and jumped down onto my balcony. Walked to the door and tried from the inside to open it. I could hear the guys outside step up their efforts when I moved the door handle. They must have thought Oh man! There is someone locked inside!!!

After realizing that I couldn’t open the door from the inside either I climbed back up on the balcony and over to the hallway window. Again no real thought of what was below me. The office lady saw me climbing down from the hallway window and that calm nothing bad can happen attitude seemed to fade from her. She was talking quickly and shaking her head and moving her hand side to side like saying NOOOOOOOOOO you don’t get it. Nothing bad can happen to us because we are Chinese!!! Lots of bad things can happen to you because you are a foreigner!!!!!!!!!!!  I realized she was trying to tell me that popping in and out of seventh story windows in not a good idea for a non-native.

It was only then that I remembered that I have a fear of being on the edge of high places. I am totally comfortable in an airplane, or any other heights but if you put me anywhere near the edge of high places, my knees get weak, my palms get sweaty and I get this queasy feeling inside my lower intestines. So as I waited for the new expert to come to open my door, I looked up from ground level at my open window and the open hall window and realized I am not Chinese!!!! I could have killed myself in a really stupid way. If that wasn’t enough realization, my girlfriend gave me my first skype scolding! Apparently she was not impressed with my solution-oriented approach to my door lock problem. I didn’t argue much.

A few things to remember when dealing with the superior female mind;

1)   Try not to justify too much.

2)   Try to recoup quickly with an apology and a promise that you won’t do it again. (at least not unless it is an emergency!)

3)   Try to remember that she just cares about you so that is why she is a little angry. 

Note the people in this graphic are not real. The information was not scientifically gathered. -Michael Paul Franklin

Dragon meets Kitty

Xin Nian Kuaile!! Happy lunar New Year! I have been excited about this because we are transitioning from year of the rabbit to year of the dragon! No offense to people born under the sign of the rabbit especially my girlfriend but I was getting a bit tired of the fluffy bunny imagery that was everywhere during Spring Festival last year. Giant cartoonish rabbits were the main attraction at temple fairs. Now when I think about China, I think powerful! I think proud! I think exotic.  Remember most of my knowledge about China before I arrived was from kung fu movies. Somehow fluffy bunnies didn’t really hit me as a symbol that fit my ideas of China. Now a dragon! That’s more like it!! When I arrived I got a bankcard, which had a little bunny on it. If I had arrived this year I would have one with a dragon! Missed it by one year!

To me the dragon has always been a symbol for China. It must have been the earliest image I saw probably in a Bruce Lee movie poster. In fact, Bruce was the little dragon and Jackie Chan’s Mandarin name Cheng long means become a dragon. For some reason I could relate more to the Chinese version of a dragon than to the ones you see in English mythology. Chinese dragons don’t breathe fire and they don’t have wings. They usually sport beards and are a symbol of strength and wisdom. In fact a recent controversy arose over the year of the dragon stamp. The stamp depicts the dragon and it is really a strong image. The dragon has it’s mouth open as in a roar. To me it is a very cool symbolic icon. To some Chinese though, it sends the wrong message. Many Chinese people think the image is too aggressive. They want a cute cartoonish dragon. There was a story in China Daily about the controversy. "When I saw the design of the dragon stamp in a newspaper, I was almost scared to death," said one blogger. "The dragon on the stamp looks too ferocious," "It is roaring and intimidating," said another netizen . These were quotes from posts on Weibo.com a Chinese social media site.

New stamp 

Houtong bunny

I was surprised this was an issue but then I started to realize that there are fluffy bunnies and cartoon characters everywhere. What is China’s compulsion to have cute characters running around on the street. I have seen it at the Olympic Stadium, The mascots for the Olympics were beibei , jingjing, huanhuan, Yingying and Nini. They were the Fuwa or good luck dolls. They were going to be called the friendlies but the name was changed because of fear that the “Friendlies” name would be misinterpreted. The dragon was in consideration for the Fuwa as was a drum. Both powerful symbols but they lost out in the end. The Fuwa for the olympics consisted of a fish, panda, olympic flame, Tibetan antelope and a swift. They were all of course cute depictions of the animals.

The Fuwa. 

Where does this obsession with cute things come from I wonder? Why does China love cute?? I think a lot has to do with the panda. The panda is loved here. It is a lot like China itself. Powerful but friendly looking. They seem to be very concerned with the idea of being friendly. I have run into many Chinese people who when they find out I am from the U. S. comment on the fact that our two countries are friends. I see it especially with older people. I think many Chinese citizens are also very aware about possible fears other countries may have about China’s power. They are a huge country with a lot of money and resources. The stamp controversy sort speaks to that. Many would rather send out a “look, I am a dragon but a friendly one” kind of message than one of “look at how strong I am” kind of message.

                                                Mini in a houtong                  © Michael Paul Franklin

                                                    Mick at the bird's nest       © Michael Paul Franklin  

  

So we have cute animals and cartoon characters running around all over Beijing. I have run into people wearing bunny heads in houtongs, I have seen all sorts of imagery showing cute characters for almost everything. They even opened a Hello Kitty restaurant in Beijing. Talk about an overdose of cute!!! Ok so before you revoke my man card. Please realize that my career as a photojournalist made me curious. I that curiosity had a lot to do with my decision to join some friends at the Hello Kitty restaurant. I figured what the heck, it will be weird at least and funny at best. So I girded my loins and said bring on the kitty. If China does love cute, this is the place to find it in heaps.

The HK Dream Restaurant is more of a nightmare if you ask me!! I don’t think I am in the demographic they were aiming at but I am not sure what that demographic is supposed to be. The food is trying to be high-end. The décor is definitely little kid, stuffed animals, pink and full of bows and balloons. The poor waiters have to wear these ridiculous outfits and as I sat trying to look as manly as possible, I just thought, at least I don’t have to dress like that. I looked at the chefs working in the kitchen, which was also covered with images of the famous kitty and they just had this depressed look. They were probably thinking about how they will ever get another job after having this on their resume. The food was not great, in fact it was just bad. They were trying hard, too hard maybe. It seems like they are trying to create a western menu with fancy looking food but reviews have been universally bad. It had only been open a short time with lines out the door and already the crowds have thinned. Seems like Chinese people love cute but not cute with bad food.

Above photos  © Michael Paul Franklin

So welcome year of the dragon. I look forward to awesome images of dragons looking majestic, mysterious and strong. 

Oh man!!!???

HO HO HO, COUGH COUGH COUGH

Note:

I haven’t blogged much lately. Why you ask. Maybe you don’t ask but it is because of a woman. An amazing woman I started hanging out with and eventually fell in love with her. So who writes blogs when they are happy and exploring an amazing place with someone they care about. I had no time for blogging when I was busy living! Now she has moved back to the US to start a new job with the hope that job will lead her back to Beijing so for now I have time on my hands. I could spend that time going to bars and trying to forget that I miss her but instead I will try to be somewhat productive and engaged with my life in Beijing.

The stockings were all hung from the chimney with care, 

In hopes in the future we can still breathe the air. 

With apologies to Henry Livingston. 

I was in the US during the holidays, the first time back since moving to Beijing almost a year ago. Of course seeing family and a few friends was wonderful and the usual feelings of homesickness were present. I missed the warm weather (California had a warms spell during the holidays with temps in the 70s during the day). I missed the ocean and of course my family. Coming back home during the holidays also put a spotlight on one thing I had not thought about for some time. Consumption!

Wow everybody buying last minute Christmas presents. I thought that mall crowds would be much easier to take after living in a big city like Beijing where there are crowds for everything. I was wrong! After living away for a time, seeing the mad dash for buying everything you can get your hands on was strange to me. I had never looked at it with fresh eyes before. I started to want to rebel against it. I saw it everywhere.

I visited my brother’s house for Christmas. He has a large beutiful house but since he has four boys it seems reasonable. His wife has a penchant for decorating. Christmas seems to bring that out in heaps. There were stockings everywhere, a huge grouping of Santas wearing gold robes that covered a huge area, a huge Christmas tree with every inch covered with ribbons, ornaments etc. There were so many decorations in this one house that if you took them all and put them in a department store you would think…Wow they really did it up for Christmas! It was a winter wonderland. As I looked around it hit me! Is this is the reason I am breathing all that smog!!! Most of this stuff is probably made in China’s factories! Making the world look Christmasy is killing my lungs and those of millions of Chinese people! Then I turned inward. I brought a huge suitcase full of presents for each member of my huge family. All this consumption is causing the pollution I see the smog from my balcony every morning yet it also makes it possible for me to be able to afford giving presents to my family. I had found myself facing a huge quandary.  I have a job because of China’s financial success. That success thrives on the production of good ranging from technology to cheap crap that people want. That success is causing a dangerously unhealthy environment. Talk about being caught in the middle! I AM the middleman! I am part of the problem!

As American as Apple products. 

Here I am in the US. Buying things that were made in China and shipped over to the US to take back to use in China. Electronics are more expensive in China. For example the top level Ipad2 is about 118.00 more in Beijing than in California. They are made in China but consumers there have to pay an import tax because it is an American company I guess. Note: I am not an economist or even close. I can barely balance my checkbook so this is guesswork on the why part. Much of what is made in China is made purely for export so even if it is made here you can’t always buy it here.

You can’t forget the Chinese population here either. Now that they are starting to earn more money, they want to buy useless stuff just like we do! They want the newest and best gadgets in fact I am amazed at how many of my co-workers have the latest iphones, ipads, macbook air laptops etc. I could swear I heard a nation wide sob when Steve Jobs passed away! As the Chinese wage grows they will be wanting more and more. China is the largest exporter in the world but they are also the second largest importer of goods. This is confusing to me because it seems like everything is made here. What is left to import? I will have to look into that later. According to a website for Global Source, a business media company, China exports everything from Apple product to Whole foods 365 Organic products. When ABC news spotlighted that fact the store had a simple explanation, food doesn’t have to be grown in the US to be labeled “organic”. I remember a big uproar a few years ago when it was made known that millions of dollars worth of American flags were imported from China, Taiwan and South Korea. Even the new M.L. King monument in DC was made in China.

Sensory overload!

A visit to the Japanese store Ito Yokado in Beijing is a good entre into the desire for consumables. This is a four-story department story with a supermarket on the basement level. You walk in and are overcome with deafening music, people yelling at you to buy this and that. If you walk up to look at anything, you are instantly set upon by a sales representative talking to you in Mandarin at a very fast pace. I assume they are trying to tell me how good the product I am looking at is. Usually I say thanks and walk away but sometimes I wish I could just look at something in peace. I wonder how this strategy works for them. Maybe having someone come up to you and start yelling at you about how good a product is works for people in China but for me it’s a big turn off. It is worse in the supermarket section. In some isles there are two women standing like sentinels at the opening and as you approach they strike holding out some soap or liquid something and yelling at you to buy buy buy!! I think the real reason Gung fu started in China was to survive a day at the supermarket! There are times when I just turn around and walk out. I remind myself that one has to prepare for a trip to this store. Meditation, stretching, listening to whale sounds are a good start then some shadow boxing to practice defensive moves to fend off the soap sellers. Warm up preparation has to be built into the shopping experience!

So should I be trying to promote less consumption which would be essentially be risking my future employment? Should I be selfish and hope for more consumption so I can make more money for a long life in a world that has air you can’t breathe? What to do? I want clean air, I want money, I want a future for my children and grandchildren. Is there a way to have it all? I guess I could watch my consumption, hope that the Chinese government will take the steps they have said they would to help the pollution problem and hope that people around the world will also see that moderation may be a good idea. What is that saying, everything in moderation? 

Christmas time in Shanghai

Just Breath but not too deep.

I love the morning. I enjoy the waking ritual. Open my eyes, realize that I am starting to be aware of my surroundings, go through a lengthy decision process where I try to assess any damage to my body that may have occurred in the night and see if I want to get out of bed. Let’s see, head feeling good, not dead, still breathing, knee hurts a little, can’t feel my hand because I slept weird. Ok pins and needles arrived to tell me hand is still attached. It’s light outside but barely. Now do I want to actually leave the prone position? My bed is hard, not as hard as the ground but pretty close. My girlfriend pointed out that it is only a box spring with no mattress. I had never bothered to really check. I just figured the Chinese like their beds hard. We bought a small pad to go over the “mattress” and it has helped but I am really getting used to the hard bed. My back feels better than it has felt in a long time.

I weigh all the pros and cons of getting out of bed and decide that since I have coffee beans in the fridge, I will face another day in the upright position. Making coffee and the morning ritual is pretty much something I do partly asleep. It isn’t until I have swigged down a cup of what I call nectar of the gods, that I can really know I am awake. There is even what I call glorious coffee making music, which the school next door pumps out over a PA system to start the day. Today I feel pretty good! I may even let some light into the apartment so I throw open the drapes to check out my view of the school. Suddenly I realize that someone stole the school, the kids, the buildings, everything!!!! As my eyes clear a bit, I realize it is just another smoggy day in Beijing. I think that this may be a day the smog index hits 400. This means that I would probably do less damage to my health if I just stayed inside and chain-smoked all day.

The air pollution index can be found in China at bjair.info and it comes from a twitter feed. It measures the air pollution in Beijing and gives updates on the condition of the air. It looks like this:

The numbers give you a score card to what kind of air will be visiting your lungs today. They also give you a way to decipher the numbers.

Good  0-50,

Moderate  51-100

Unhealthy for sensitive groups 101-150

Unhealthy  151-200

Very unhealthy 201-300

Hazardous. 300+

It looks like this when you sign on. There is even an app for that so while you are walking briskly because you missed your cab you can see just how damaging each deep breath will be. One of my Chinese friends asked me why I was so interested in the exact quality of the air. She said that maybe it is better not to know so I don’t get stressed out. Hmmmmmmm. Very interesting outlook. I told her I would rather know so I don’t do something crazy like ride my bike on a day that is over 300.  Since China relies heavily on manufacturing, the air takes a hit with factories belching out smoke particulates of who knows what. There have been many stories about the smog lately in the state run media. The Govornment is looking at the situation. We have had several days at 500 and even a few too high to measure. I have started to play a game where I look out my window and try to guess the number of the air index. If I can't see the smokestack in the view I figure it is over 300. If I can make it out a little it may  be in the 260 range. I have gotten pretty good.  I am starting to think the Chinese are a super race.They don’t sweat during the long hot muggy summer, they can withstand sandstorms from the Gobi desert, they can breath toxic air and still they go on! That being said, when I wake up to a blue sky, something I took for granted in San Diego, I know it is going to be a great day. Even the Glorious coffee making music sounds better. I will never take blue skies for granted again. 

This is the view on a 340 day. 

Bird men. Of Qianyongkang Hutong.

One thing I love about Beijing is you never know what you will see when you venture out by foot or bike. When my friend and I decided to ride our bikes to a small hutong we visited in June, we thought we would just have lunch then ride on to see some places we were curious about.  We walked into the small place, filled with locals and as we sat we saw a familiar face.  A red-faced smiling man who we had met before in the same place months earlier greeted us with excitement. He had talked to us back in June when we were last here. I remember him because his face was red and sweaty and he was sitting with several men at a table next to us, which was covered with beer bottles. I thought his red face was due to drinking and wondered if he was wasted so early in the day. 

When we saw him in June he was friendly, almost overly friendly I thought at the time but he offered us some of the food while we were waiting for ours. Fried Sardines were offered, we politely refused but after repeated offers, we accepted so as not to be rude.  He talked to us, or rather to Amy who speaks conversational Mandarin and I just did what I have come accustomed to, smile and nod my head a lot. Amy would try to translate as best as she could.

Three months later we found ourselves sitting across from the same man. This time he wasn’t drinking but his face was still red as an apple and sweaty. I concluded that he has a reaction to spicy food and that seems to be his permanent state while eating at this restaurant. He recognized me instantly. Having a beard in China makes you more easily remembered I guess. He started to talk with us, with my friend leading the way of course but I was starting to understand a few words here and there.  He was asking where we were from and what we were doing in China. Amy would translate and I would try to respond when I understood something. At one point he said something that confused her. The three men at his table were flapping their hands like wings and she said they were saying that birds talk. I offered that I had seen talking Mynah birds in a hutong for sale and she figured, after a few questions that they had some talking birds.  They invited us to return at 4pm for what seemed to be some kind of bird show.

Lao Qin

We took Lao Qin (as he asked us to call him) up on his offer and went to his home in Qianyongkang Hutong to see his birds. He brought out two Black and yellow Mynah birds which Chinese call Liao Ge Liao is from the word for chat and Ge is from the word for pigeon. They started out with Ni Hao (Hello), which you would expect. Then the older of the two birds said Gong xi fa cai which is a greeting said around new years. When some of the men repeated that phrase, the bird would say Hong bao na lai Which means give me the red envelope. Red envelopes with money are given around New Years. It struck me as sad that after several months of me taking lessons, this bird speaks better Mandarin than I do. A frustrating realization but what can you do? Several men came out to hang out with the birds. One man brought his bird out and hung it up on the wall opposite Loa Qin’s birds. It didn’t say much but I think maybe he hung it there to learn from the more experienced birds.

I have had little opportunity to hang around in a hutong with local people other than going to a restaurant or bar. This was a great chance to see daily life old Beijing style.  When a few friends hang out in front of their homes it really is basically the same thing. They chat, BS and joke with each other from a comfortable place. We felt lucky to be part of it. We saw a neighbor walk by with a dog that had two pairs of tiny tennis shoes, people coming by to say hello to the birds, the district leaders came by to hand out copies of  a neighborhood newspaper. 

At one point a guy rode by on a scooter dressed in his red McDonalds uniform making a delivery.  Yes McDonalds delivers in China but it seems more interesting when it happens in a hutong. One neighbor I enjoyed watching was the wise crackin’ older guy who sits, legs crossed observing and making comments. At one point a driver in a van tried to make it around the tight corner of an intersection. Wise cracker sat there watching him struggle, then said something that made Amy laugh. She told me that he basically said “So Driving…..how’s that working for you? “  Seems like no matter where you are people don’t change much.

This bird speaks better Mandarin than I do.

Lao Qin with one of his birds

Add caption

Just another afternoon in a hutong. 

I call this guy Mr. Stoic. He was very nice but never cracked a smile. 

Night of the Living Measure Word - My first Grammar Nightmare!

 I think I can safely say I have never had a grammar nightmare before. The closest I have had is one of those dreams where you are late for a test and no matter how fast you run, you can’t get to class on time to take the test you aren’t ready to take. I have been taking classes to learn Mandarin. I never knew if I was one of those people gifted with the ability to learn another language. I can speak conversational Spanish but I grew up listening to it so that doesn’t count. Mandarin was my first totally foreign language experience. I find that I am not one of those gifted people! This is difficult! You have to contend with the dreaded four tones of Mandarin.  You might say, only four tones? Cantonese has nine different tones. Well for me it just seems like more than a coincidence that there happen to be four horsemen of the apocalypse. 

Ok so if you haven’t had the pleasure, Chinese words can be said in four different ways. Each pronunciation will have a different meaning.  For instance, the word Ma can be Mother (first tone) Toad (second tone) Horse (third tone) or Scold (fourth tone). In reality that is a very simplistic approach because just when you think you are getting this down they throw in that there is a fifth tone which is no tone. Then they surprise you with the fact that each Ma can have several different Characters which make it a totally new word that sounds like the one you thought you knew but isn’t. Not only does this cause a lot of confusion but sometimes you have to just know in context what is being said since you can’t see the characters and I couldn’t read them if I did see them. So third tone Ma can be Horse, the name of a river, Mammoth, Morphinem Agate, Leprosy, Ant………you get the picture.

That would be enough to give me nightmares but it hasn’t. The grammatical point that finally got me is the dreaded MEASURE WORD!!!  When you talk about things in numerical context, you have to use the proper measure word. If you for example want one serving of rice you don’t say Yi Mifan (one Rice) you say Yi wan mifan (One bowl of rice). Ok not that bad.  Wan is the measure word for things that come in bowls mostly. Noodles, rice and such.  If you want one serving of Bao zi (steamed buns) you ask for Yi Tier Bao zi. But if you want one serving of Jiao zi (dumplings), you ask for yi pan jiao zi. If you want something that comes in a pair, the measure word is shuang. So yi shuang Kuai zi is one pair of chopsticks. If you drop one chopstick, you can’t use that measure word though because you only need one so you have to change the word to gen.

If you want a spoon, fork or knife, the M-word is Ba. This holds true for things you hold, most of the time. Other words that use ba as a M-word are doorknob, fan if it is a hand held fan only, armchair because you can put your hands on it but it also counts for a standard chair. So you would think that would hold true for gloves but the M-word for gloves is shuang because it is a pair. A watch uses the generic measure word ge.

For clothes, most of the things you wear on the top half of your body use Jian as the M-word. Hat though has Ding because that is the m-word for things on top. Pants, Skirts and things you wear below the waist use tiao, which is also used for ties, scarfs and other long thin things. If you want one suit, you have to use Tao as the m-word that also goes for pajamas. Zhang is the M-word for flat things like bed, desk and table but bed table uses ge. Also even though books are flat they use ben as the M-word TVs, computers and ovens use Tai, as does an electric fan……….. You see where I am going here??

So in my dream, I am being asked to say the measure word for a variety of things. At first I am doing OK then I get confused, Wait, isn’t that the m-word for things that are shaped like a banana? Wait a tie is flat but it is also long and straight but you wear it on the top half of your body??? Soon I am in full confusion and my teacher is throwing words at me at breakneck pace. Soon m-words are coming at me but they are spiders! Thousands of spiders crawling all over me! I am itching and scratching and trying to get them off me when I sit up straight in my bed. I am scratching my hands and arms. I realize that it is a dream but wonder if I really was bitten by spiders in the night because I am really scratching. I get up and in the light of the lamp, which I am sure has its M-word, I notice that there are no spider bites. I wonder what the measure word is for sleeping pills? 

Shan Ba escape

Some of us took a little day trip away from the center of Beijing. Partly,  to get away from the heat and humidity but also just to see something outside the city. We travelled by bus to the Huai Rou district north of Beijing and then contracted cars to take us to a place called Shan Ba. Shan Ba translates to Mountain Bar. It is a short ride up into the hills and out of the city heat. The restaurant, lodge and cabins are tucked into the hillside near a stream.

As much as I love being in Beijing, it was a nice change to be in the cooler mountain environment surrounded by greenery. The restaurant is known for it’s seafood but friends told us that the hot ticket is the huge racks of ribs. They didn’t oversell it at all. We ordered two Fred Flintstone style rib racks that could tip over even the sturdiest foot powered car. We also ordered fish, lamb and some veggies to round out the meal. Of course there was the usual stack of green bottles of Yanjing beer to cool us off.

Our bevy of comrades grew on the trip out as we met a migrant worker from Hunan?? We ended up inviting him to come along. He seemed to very confused and a little nervous as to why a group or laowai would want him to come along but must have been curious or hungry and decided to come along. He was just arriving in Beijing to work on a road project. He does steel work with rebar. At one point he pulled out his phone and showed pictures of his kids to us and sent a text message. I offered to one of my friends that he may be thinking, if I show these guys I have kids, maybe they won’t take me and murder me after dinner and that his text said…. I have been kidnapped but some foreigners, I don’t know what they want with me but will try to text later. After a few beers and food his trepidation seemed to melt away and soon we were laughing together. He knew a few words in English. We had a Chinese friend with us and most of us know a little Mandarin. Beer is like a liquid translator because I noticed on more than one occasion, after a few drinks people seem to be able to understand more. Who knew? He pulled out his phone to text again and I turned to my friend to offer that now he was saying…I think I am getting Stockholm syndrome because I like my captors. They’re not so bad really, they are buying me food and drinks and smiling and sharing cigarettes. I still don’t know what they want but at least the situation is bearable. Later we laughed more and he seemed totally comfortable in the fact that we just liked him and wanted him to join us.

After several hours of feasting and enjoying the mountain air, we decided to catch the 7:30 bus home. We were approached by men who have cars to rent, unofficially of course. They were trying to tell us the bus doesn’t stop here anymore and negotiations started for rides all the way back to Beijing. It is about an hour journey or so and if the bus came it would take at least two buses and a cab to get home. At first they seemed to be saying eight hundred kuai for two cars. There was a lot of gesturing and back and forth reasoning. Soon we agreed to 600 kuai for two cars four of us in each car.

Our driver jumped in and cranked the Techno music up to eleven and took off like a grand prix racer. He was taking the mountain curves like a pro and we were lost in a sea of noise, screeching tires and strange looks from every one we passed. He had a horn that sounded like a police siren and another that made the sound fire trucks make when approaching an intersection. He zoomed past horses, carts, cars, motorbikes, probably a goat or two, pretty much everything that you see on a typical mountain road in china. He seemed to be very skilled. Under normal conditions we would have been a bit nervous about the way he was driving but under the peaceful fog of good food and many beers, we just all seemed to be happy and in that (let’s just enjoy the ride kind of place). We made a short stop to drop off our new migrant worker friend and after a cramped, loud but fun trip, we were back in our happy neighborhood, the echo of techno music still in our ears.  

Shan Ba

Our new friend Ma Chu Lei

Hao chi! 

Lee and Shenye

Shenye feeding the ducks

Happy after a great meal and a few cold drinks! 

Negotiations for a ride home

WEDDING SINGER.

I was invited by one of the photographers Feng yong bin and his wife Sun Cheng Jing who recently got married to a party. I didn’t know what kind of party but accepted. Guan Xin and her husband picked me up and we went to a place where we were escorted up to a large banquet room filled with my co-workers and others. The parents of Fon Yon Bin were throwing a party to celebrate their son’s marriage. I was introduced to the father my host and whipped out my best hun gouxin ren shi ni. I got good reaction for giving it an effort. Just before we arrived Guan Xin taught me how to say bai nian hao he which means a hundred years together. I was able to get that out to the delight of Feng Young Bin’s mom. The sat me next to the host with my boss on the other side. I think that is a big deal. The seating arrangements of a Chinese banquet are like many things in China based on years of tradition. I know that if you get put in a certain seat, that mean you are picking up the check. Another spot is for the honored guests etc.  I noticed immediately the presence of the little shot glass that means GAMBEI! Oh Oh. I had a late night the night before and was not in top form for a big round of gambei. For those who missed it in an earlier post, gambei means empty glass and is said when the host wants you to drink it all.

The giant Lazy Susan started to roll and amazing dishes kept appearing, Pork, chicken, fish and things I have learned not to ask about. Just try it! I looked around at the smiling faces of my coworkers and was struck by how much I like them. I really felt honored to be invited to this special occasion. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I remember feeling like that when I was with my family in San Diego. I started to try to stop and look around and see the faces of the people I love the most. I made myself take it in and appreciate the time I have with them. I am so far away from them now but am so lucky these people, who I didn’t know five months ago have taken me in and welcomed me so completely. I feel truly blessed. I realized that this is the first time we have gathered outside of work except for the few trips to a restaurant for lunch. It is great to see them all in this environment.

The father of the groom then starts with the toasts.  I see quickly that at noon this is going to be a long day. Even though table tennis is the national pastime, I think they enjoy trying to get lao wai (foreigner) drunk even more. He toasts everyone there and thanks us all for coming. Then he toasts the bride and groom, and then my boss. Two photographers arrive late. He makes them do san ganbei (they had to knock back three shots) for punishment. Then he comes to me and I learn that I have to do two ganbei to his one. I am not sure why but I am not going to be rude so here it goes. I know how this is going to play out. Soon everyone is getting up from the table and toasting each other. I lost count at 30 shots but there was so much laughing and eating and all around great fun. I love the way Chinese people enjoy life. When they are together eating and drinking it is like there are no troubles in the world. I see it when I am out, I feel it here today in the middle of the day and now I am feeling the effects of the baijiu. I just hope the brain cells that are unselfishly sacrificing themselves in the interest of cultural understanding aren’t the ones I need to learn Mandarin.

Side note. Bai Jiu literally means white alcohol. It is usually 80 to 120 proof. The alcohol by volume ABV is usually on the label, which does me no good because it is in Chinese characters but I am told this particular brand is 54%. For reference Beer is usually 4-6% Wine is usually 12 -14% Tequila Whisky and Vodka are usually around 40%. So Bai Jiu holds its own.  When toasting you are supposed to show respect for elders or people above your station by lowering your glass lower than his or hers when you clink them together. My host made that difficult by quickly dropping his glass at the last second. I tried to match that action and he had more tricks up his sleeve. We go for the cheers and he quickly puts his hand under my glass so I can’t go any lower. This guy was good. Real good.

So after multiple rounds of gambei and delicious food the banquet ends. I am thinking that I have a date to meet a friend for dinner and I am thankful that I will have hours to recoup before that. Oops spoke too soon. We go across the street and into a room that is set up for Karaoke.  Now I don’t really do Karaoke. Never been much for singing in public. Not sure why but it just isn’t my thing. It may have something to do with the fact that my family used to trot me out in front of guests and make me sing “Side by side” which starts out with Oh we aint got a barrel of money; a song I have learned to hate.  Even now they love to sing that song to get a rise out of me. Maybe if they made me sing a cooler song I would like singing but that is for my therapist and me to work out.

Here in Beijing, they loves them some karaoke!  There are KTVs and Partyworlds everywhere. It is different than most places in the US though in that you rent a private room so it is just you and your friends or guests. It starts out nicely with some of my co-workers singing some Chinese songs. Then they put on an English song and of course want me to sing. I politely decline. More Chinese songs, more beer. Soon I find myself belting out something by the Carpenters. I think it was “Let me be the one” ( I didn’t pick it) and I know I have given myself up to China.  The next day the photos tell the ugly truth. Not only did I sing a carpenters song but I also did “Can’t live without you” by Barry Manilow. Ah the shame washes over me! BARRY MANILOW??? Really? Du Lianyi tells me that her husband says I sing with much feeling. I can only imagine what it sounded like. I can only hope no one shot video. Ahh Bai jiu you White Devil. 

All photos ©Michael Paul Franklin