After a short time in Beijing I started to notice that people use a word that sounds way too close to the shortened version of the N-word. At first you just think…Naw…. I must be hearing things: then you begin to hear it everywhere. Once you start hearing it you notice it all the time. It is hard to deal with. People start off sentences with it, they use it in the middle at the end in between words. I start to wonder if they picked it up from some movie that was popular in China.
What the heck is going on? I thought. It was disturbing and after I noticed it I started to hear it in almost every conversation. It is a difficult thing to get used to. One of the advantages of being new and pretty much ignorant is that you can ask questions about almost anything without feeling more embarrassed than usual. So I ask one of my Chinese co-workers. She tells me that it is actually the word Nage, which is pronounced like Nayga and it means that but is often used at the start of the sentence like we would use well. It is also used as a space filler like um. With the Beijing accent, it sounds like nigga but barely pronouncing the i. They have another word that they use a lot which is Zhege which means this but is also often a space filler. It is pronounced like Jegga said quickly.
OK so now I know that people aren’t trying to be racist or pretending to be hip hop. But it still isn’t easy to get used to. A friend of mine who has lived in Beijing for a little over a year told me “ Yep that one is about a 6 month-er. Meaning it will take 6 months before I stop having a reaction to hearing it. It would be very difficult for an African American to hear that every day all day and maintain a smile.
Interesting how events bring you back to situations you have put out of your mind a long time ago. I was in San Diego at my favorite coffee shop and an older Asian woman hurried into the shop with a young, very angry African American man right behind her. He was saying something to her and it was apparent that things weren’t exactly harmonious. Later he returned with another man and stood there staring at her like he wanted to kill her. He asked the barista if she knew the woman. Then he proceeded to say that the woman was crazy and was calling him a nigger. It didn’t make sense. This woman was really scared and small and the man was a large and somewhat scary guy wearing gang colors. I wondered why she would be so bold or stupid to do something like this. I wondered if the guy was just looking for trouble. The police were called and he left. The woman was terrified. She said she didn’t know why they got mad and she was just trying to go to the store.
I had no reason to doubt her and for that matter no reason to doubt the guy who was accusing her of racism but just thought something was really off here. Now months later in Beijing I think I figured it out. She may have just used the Chinese N-word and he took it as a racial slur. Wow how easy it is to have a simple misunderstanding turn into a really bad situation. I had to travel all the way to China to make sense of something that happened months ago in the North Park neighborhood of San Diego.
We give words a lot of power. So much, that we can’t even say them out loud many times: The F-word, The N-word. I wonder if it is a good thing or bad thing. Maybe words need to have that kind of power but sometimes they have so much that they can stop us from seeking understanding. We put them on a shelf or in a safe and just say don’t use them at all. Yet the ones who abuse them still use them all the time. So maybe in an effort to protect people from being hurt by certain words, we stop understanding nuances of the word or words that sound like them.
How do you say….Nice Antelope?
I continue to struggle with the fact that I can’t have a conversation with people I meet. I am curious about everything here and want to ask lots of questions. I mean that is the way all toddlers learn. Ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Daddy, why is the sky blue, why do dogs have fur, or in a crowded grocery store, WHY IS THAT LADY SO FAT?? Every parent knows what I’m talking about. I want to be that toddler here asking everyone to tell me about China and why they do the things they do.
While walking the other day in the middle of Beijing, I saw a family get out of a cab. They looked like they were coming from a very cold place judging from the amount of fur around their collars. I was guessing Mongolia but who knows. They unload a their luggage from the cab and as they come into full view I notice that they are all pulling the ubiquitous luggage on wheels that you see in every airport. What you don’t see often at least in my experience is what the man was carrying in his other hand. It appeared to be the freshly severed head of a Tibetan Antelope. (Don’t be impressed with my knowledge of antelopes and gazelles just yet, I had to do a search to see what it was later). The head still had its fur and I could see where the bone was sliced cleanly. The horns were impressive black, straight and with a spiral texture. The face looked surprisingly calm considering what must have been the last moment in its life.
There I was standing behind a family waiting for a green light in Beijing and wondering “What the heck?” It’s times like this that my inner toddler is screaming to say, Daddy, why is that man carrying the severed head of a Tibetan Antelope? What is he going to do with it? I imagine the conversation I would have with him if I could speak the language.
Me - Good morning sir how are you.
Antelope Man - Ah good morning to you sir.
Me- So you live in Beijing?
AM- No I am just visiting. You?
Me – Yep I am working and living here but I’m from out of town
AM- Oh very interesting. How do you like Beijing
Me - Very nice place.
Pause
Me- So er I can’t help but notice that you have the severed head of a Tibetan Antelope with you.
What up?
AM- Oh man! Don’t tell me you haven’t had Antelope head soup yet!!!! It’s the bomb! And so healthy for you. It is way better than monkey brains.
Me- Why no I can’t say that I have.
AM- You must try it someday it is delicious.
Me- Sounds good hey, gotta run. See you later.
AM – Me too I have to get this in some hot water quickly.
Alternative ending.
Me- What up with the Antelope head?
AM- Oh this old thing? I just like the look of it and always travel with it. It is very handy to have. The horns make good letter openers and it just looks cool over the TV. Someday everyone will have one. Give me your email and I will send you one. I have lots.
Instead my inner toddler had to just wonder what that was all about and wish I spoke more of the language. Weird motivation to learn a language. I downloaded a mandarin program to my I-pod touch and have been trying to learn the useful phrases in the program. You touch the English phrase and it shows you the Chinese characters and the pinyin (pinyin is the phonetic sound written out in the English alphabet) and then a tiny voice comes out of the magic box and says the phrase in Mandarin so you know how to pronounce it. My co-workers were very interested in it and thought it was amazing. I played some of the greatest hits for them. Hello, - Ni hao. Good morning – Tzao shang hao. What is your name? – Ni chiao shen ma ming zih. Don’t shoot! – Beer Kai chiang! And my favorite …Those drugs aren’t mine! –Churh sheer doo Pin bu shih war de! Now if I want to get a laugh out of my co-workers I just press the button on the last one.
I did ask my Chinese co-workers if they might know why a guy would be carrying an antelope head like a briefcase in the middle of the city but they didn’t offer any explanation. They talked among themselves in Mandarin and I heard nigga nigga nigaa mmm maybe just decoration?
