Good People

I have always been lucky in one area of life and that is meeting and making friends with amazing people. Friends that make my life better even when they are thousands of miles away. Even here in China in a short time I have met new friends who I can’t imagine life without.  Sometimes it is difficult for us to tell people how we feel or that we care about them. Sometimes you just put it off for later. Sometimes you are having too much fun to stop and have a serious conversation.

I had a friend who had a great joy for life. He was crazy and fun and a joy to be around. He had an ever-present smile with just the right amount of devilish sparkle in his eyes. He was stricken by cancer and in a very short time passed on. I was lucky to be able to spend a lot of time with him in his last days and at one point during Christmas he was too weak to put together his son’s bike. I came over and with him lying on the floor we assembled the bike. Even in his weak state. Bob was trying to take control. He would tell me the directions say to put bolt a onto socket b etc etc. I wanted to just ignore most of the directions because I am a man but I realized that I was just being his hands in this situation. He wanted so bad to put the bike together and probably realized that this was his last Christmas with his son.

That was such a memorable night because even though his body was wracked by pain he was laughing and I felt like I shared a great moment with him. I recalled years of his company and the way he always made people laugh. I decided that I would write him a letter to tell him what a great man I thought he was and how honored I was to be one of his many friends. I sent the letter and he died soon after. His wife told me that he was too weak when my letter came and he never got to read it. After that, I told myself that I was going to be better about appreciating the people I really care about and letting them know. I miss you Bob Ivins.

This week the world lost two people who I thought were class acts. Burl Stiff was the long-time society writer for the San Diego Union-Tribune. He was a dapper gent, small in stature but large in influence. As a photojournalist, the last thing you want to shoot is a society party. The shots were simple, people holding drinks and smiling at the camera. A trained monkey could do it. Burl realized that we didn’t like shooting that kind of thing and tried to make it as painless and quick as possible. What he didn’t realize is that he made them fun. He knew everything about the rich and powerful of La Jolla and Rancho Santa Fe. He would throw out tidbits of information about the highbrow guests that would make it less painful to shoot. He always appreciated the photo department and every year at Christmas, he would give us each a bottle of good booze. That got pretty expensive when the staff reached 42 one year. Later after many of us told him he didn’t need to do that, he just brought a box of good chocolates up to the photo lab.

John Kulkin also worked at the UT and was a gentle soul with a huge heart and epitomized the word class. He always had a welcoming smile and in his duties had to ask the photo desk for favors. His battle with cancer was a long one but he always seemed to have a positive outlook. He never seemed to let it get to him even and I was humbled by his bravery. His cancer was in remission for a long time and hearing that it came back and claimed him was a shock. I wish I knew him better but am grateful for the “away from work” conversations we had. He was a musician and an artist and his absence leaves a great hole in the universe. He will be missed by so many.

Being so far away from home and hearing news like this is difficult. I lost my Aunt since I was here and hated that fact I couldn’t be there for my mom and the family. But even at great distances it only takes a moment to stop and think about a good memory or just try to see someone’s face in your mind.  It is a good reminder to live life to its fullest and appreciate the people that make the world a better place. It can be so easy to take them for granted.